Sunday, September 20, 2015
From Fezzik to Buttercup: I've Never Been an Athlete
For now, I'm walking. This afternoon I walked five miles!! Half of it was up some pretty steep hills and yeah, I pretty much thought I was going to die.
How do I feel after that extremely exhilarating exercise experience? Dead. I feel mostly dead.
However, I did have some motivating experiences. First, there was the sweet grandma who slowed down to offer me a ride. She looked genuinely concerned for me. So concerned that it made me sort of concerned for her. I declined sweetly. Then there was the very large, very smelly guy who slowed down to tell me he was a taxi service. About 20 years ago, I was turning down rides from sexy cowboys in big trucks. Now I'm turning down rides from fat guys in dirty minivans. Finally, to drive the knife just a little further, I was offered a ride by a fresh and breezy looking blonde who was out for a Sunday drive with her boyfriend. I tried to flash them both my most adorable grin while declining their genuine offer of aid, but it was hard because my face was really purple and swollen and all I could do was sort of drool and keep walking.