Consumed

"Incline my heart to Your testimonies,

And not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things,

And revive me in Your way."  Psalm 119:36-37

I have really big ideas. I get a plan or a project in my head and it consumes most my thoughts until it's either completed or replaced by a new grand idea. Sometimes it can be really hard to focus on following the Father's leading---going where He says, saying what He prompts, waiting when He's clear I should wait---especially when I'm distracted by less important things. 

But most times, I find it hard to focus on anything BUT the things of the Father. I'm consumed by His wonders and warnings, tracking His prophetic timeline, pulling new things out of Scripture every time I sit down to read. I could spend hours of my day reading and writing about His word, the world going on around me while I wile away in my study. I often think I'm better suited to a dark robe and a measly diet, sequestered away somewhere in a remote monastery, with no one but my pen for company. 

Which brings up the obvious---why has the Father given someone like me an outgoing husband, nine children, a new grandson, real friendships, and an increasingly public ministry? These things do tend to get in the way of the life of a devoted monk.

I believe He's calling me to balance. Left to my own devices, I really would hole up in remote hibernation, avoiding everything that irritates me---and thereby avoiding everything He's called me to. Because everything irritates me.

In the Psalm above, the word "covetousness" can also be translated as profit and the word "testimonies" means God's law. Thus, the basic gist of the passage speaks to the desire to focus on God's ways and not be distracted by what lesser gains can be made. While I don't covet actual things, I definitely covet times of quiet solitude.

And that's just what He wants them to be for me---times. Not days or months, but moments, even a few hours on the occasional day I can have my husband or adult child fill in for me. Coveting is essentially wanting what we do not have and it can be applied even to the things of God. While it's a noble idea to close myself up in a turret with just a candle and a scroll, would I really want to be cloistered away from all the life, laughter, and loud of the people around me who bring me such joy? Well, maybe the loud…

I think the Father intentionally puts us in situations that we wouldn't naturally choose for ourselves for our growth. The closer I get to Him, the more I want to excavate His word and see what treasures I can pull up. It's becoming my natural inclination and if I really want to do this, I will find the time---regardless of what else is going on around me. In His great mercy and grace, He's surrounded me with so much life so I don't become that hermitting monk; but instead, that I would grab hold of just enough life around me to balance me out.

After all, what is the point of knowledge, wisdom, understanding if there's no one around to share it with?

 

Persecution

 

Persecution

I like to think I have a pretty thick skin---or at least that I'm pretty good at faking it and letting hard things slide off my back. Truth is, depending on the day, sometimes I let people really get to me. 

It's different now that I've left the socially acceptable way of following God and have gone rogue with a bunch of other zealots. In the church, there was mutual acceptance. I accepted what was taught for that particular denomination, they accepted me as a member and let me minister there. Now that I've taken ministry into my own hands, it's not unbelievers who come against me---it's churchies.

I'm thinking of Paul. He wasn't imprisoned for bringing the nourishment of Scriptural truth to a society that was starving for it; no, he was imprisoned for stirring the pot, for shining the light of truth on a society that wanted to continue living in darkness. Paul tried to open the eyes of the willfully blind and the purposefully ignorant---he was a thorn in the side of every person who fleetingly felt convicted by his words.

I've been mocked for comparing myself to Paul (like he's some kind of higher saint, rather than just a regular dude serving God) but he's our biggest example of faithfulness in the New Testament, besides Yeshua. He was literally put there as an example to follow. When I think about how much it stinks to question whether I should share truth today and risk having to fight bad feelings toward former friends, I think about Paul in Philippians chapter 1.

"But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel…and most of the brethren in the Lord, having become confident by my chains, are much more bold to speak the word without fear."

I know the persecution I'm facing as a minister of the gospel on social media is laughable in the face of what Paul went through---but the emotions are similar. Reading that portion of Scripture this morning, the Father showed me a couple reasons why He's got me in the stocks, 21st century style:

Through Paul's example of faithfulness in the face of persecution, others were made bold to share the truth, too. If I will keep my temper, stick to Scripture, and pick my battles, the Father will use my example to embolden others as witnesses, also. 

Additionally, we need to realize that this is just the beginning of persecutions. The narrow path is unpalatable to anyone not on it, but especially to those who think they are but are shown they're not. In short: compromisers don't like to have their reasons debunked. The persecution is gonna get a lot hotter and a lot heavier---and it's going to come mainly from those who've "Got Jesus" but don't understand what it means to surrender to Him.

To those of us who are truly walking out this narrow path and trying to reach those around us, let's be so careful to keep our temper, stick to Scripture, and pick our battles. There are arguments out there that just. don't. matter. and we clutter up our ministry by focusing on the noneternal. If you spend more time on flat earth or calendar arguments than you do on ministering about Yeshua and His ways, (Matt. 28:19-20) you're wasting your time. Stop picking apart the little things the enemy is distracting you with and train yourself to go after the really big spiritual warfare stuff. You were shown the narrow path of Revelation 12:17 for a reason.

There. There's my pep talk for the day. For me and maybe for you. Shalom.

Friendships and Mentors and Cans of Worms

 

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-2

My Bible titles this passage, "The Value of a Friend."

A few years ago, I attended a women's event where the theme was mentoring. It reawakened some things in me that had been dormant for too long. I made some commitments to Yahweh regarding using more of my time on other people and I came away feeling energized in my calling to women's ministry. 

Shortly after, the Father tested me in those commitments---as is often His way! I was in a room with many women chatting and laughing and getting to know one another. I had visited with a few friends and was wandering around looking at decorations. (These kinds of events always make me feel awkward. I struggle with small talk---always want to get to the nitty-gritty!) I was just hanging out when the Father told me to start looking at the people more closely. 

I noticed a woman standing off to the side a bit, not talking with anyone. I'd only chatted with her briefly in the past and didn't know her well, so I went up to say hello again and see if I could bumble my way awkwardly through my normal kind of 50/50 introvert/extrovert conversation. 

I took her hand and said, "Hey (Friend), how's it goin' tonight?" 

She smiled and said, "Oh fine!" 

I could have stopped right there. I mean, right? That's the ultimate Sunday morning Christianese phrase: "I'm fine!" 

Sometimes it means, "I've got a lot of stuff going on but don't have the time/desire/interest/strength to discuss it with you." 

More often it means, "I'm struggling and I really do actually want to tell you but you're just making small talk and I don't sense I can trust you with my heart."

For a split second I thought about giving her the pat Christian response, "Oh great! I'm glad. Well, have a good night!" But, praise Yah, He spoke stronger to me than He had in a long time. So, I pulled out my can opener, looked her straight in the eye, and opened up that can of worms. 

"No really, Friend, how are you?"

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When I read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, I think about all the lonely people out there. There's a lot of them, you know. I read, "For if they fall, one will lift up his companion," and think, "Who will lift up the one without a friend?"

I've had a saying for a long time that I once thought was clever---maybe it was, for its time. I used to say, "I've only got enough emotional energy to spend on a couple of friends."  

Wifing/mothering/homeschooling 10 people is tough, y'all, and there was a brief time there when it was absolutely all I could handle. The Father allowed my outside-the-home ministry to go dormant for awhile so I could put my focus in the right place. I think I allowed it to go on a little longer than He would have liked, though. I got comfortable in my solitude. I also got selfish.

However, now I think of that phrase and I know that time is over. I feel so driven to speak the Father's truth and encouragement to all those lonely women---cans of worms popping open all over the place! (Gummy worms, please. No pork gelatin.)

I want to be that friend that sticks close enough to lift someone up when they fall and point them to help and healing in Yeshua. I'm praying the Father will help me become more and more usable in this way, and that he will bring just the right relationships along. Who has time for small talk? Not this girl. But I've got lots of time---all the time He's given me---for cans of worms.