Wednesday, April 3, 2019
I Miss Blogging...and Other Mixed Up Thoughts of the Day
How do you feel about change? Some people love it when the old goes out and the new comes in. My husband is like that. He's always ready to jump into the next technological advancement and he's great when it comes to trying new things.
Me, not so much. The Beatles and the Bible tell us there's a time for everything and that circumstances change, but that doesn't mean I have to like it! If there's one thing I've learned about change though, it's that life would get pretty stagnant without it.
My life started going a different direction a couple years ago and part of that was reflected on this blog. I used to post several times a week and was working with many big name brands. But, you know, that started to get really tedious and pretty soon I'd lost my voice as a blogger. More and more, I had to be the person the brands wanted me to be, and the blog wasn't really mine anymore. I decided to let that go and my plan was to go back to blogging about Jesus and antiques, but that hasn't really happened, has it? I've struggled with bouncing back from that change.
Deeper things have gone on in these two years---things that are big enough to actually require a grieving process. Many of you know we lost a baby in October. I'm about six weeks from the due date of that baby and life is getting reeeeally tough to handle as that time draws closer. I'm ok. I'm getting through it with the love and support of my husband and kids and a couple close friends, but I've got to lean in to feelings of anger, jealousy, and so much sadness, that I don't really want to face.
Happy changes can still bring a time of mourning. That's a new concept to me, but it's so true. Lynzie graduated last April---almost a year ago---and I've been struggling to keep the joy in our homeschool. I'll write more on that later---that one needs a whole post of it's own---but the grief I'm dealing with, even with her still at home, sort of blindsided me.
I'm taking on some new ministry responsibilities in my church---which has brought up some questions for me about identity and callings. While I'm excited about what's ahead, there are some identity things I have to lay down in order to take this road God's got me on...and that's hard.
Why am I writing out these disjointed thoughts? I used to share heart stuff here, back in the days before the sponsored posts took over my life, and I'd like to get back to that. I miss my blogging friends and community. I feel God bringing something new to this blog. I'm looking forward to seeing what it is!