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Wednesday, July 11, 2018

From Fezzik to Buttercup: Another Weight Loss "Journey"? Inconceivable!

I'm tired of feeling like Princess Buttercup trapped in the body of Fezzik the Giant.
Wanna know something that bugs the snot outta me? (I never realized how gross that saying was until I wrote it out there...sorry.) It makes me nuts when people use the term "journey" for something that's really not all that epic. (Actually, the term "epic" really burns me, too....) Frodo and Sam had a journey, Marco Polo---that was a journey. But when someone talks about their spiritual journey or their weight loss journey? I don't know. It just all seems so dramatic. Seemed. It seemed so dramatic. Until now.

I just got back from a doctor's visit in which I was made aware of the eleventybillion things wrong with my back. Degenerative disc disease, scoliosis, arthritis...I'm 38 years old. Much of this condition is hereditary, but it shouldn't be at nearly the level of degeneration that it is at only 38 years old. The problem is that I've carried 10 children and I am very heavy. Girls, I'm fat. 

One thing that "political correctness" has done to us is that it's niced everything over. We gotta put some sugar on top of that otherwise not-so-nice truth---otherwise we might offend someone. If you are reading this and you are also fat, I'm sorry if I've offended you. But here's my deal: I've been making excuses way too long and those excuses have kept me from doing hard stuff. They've kept me from THE JOURNEY. (Dun dun dunnnn!!)

Truth is, I'm not hiding this fatness from anyone. So, y'all might as well know: I'm 347 pounds. Last week I was 346. Dude, NO ONE---I don't care who you are---no one should be 347 pounds. (Ok, maybe Fezzik the Giant up there is 347 pounds. If you are as tall as Fezzik the Giant then I make an exception for you. You may be 347 pounds and quite healthy). But, as for me and my 5'6" frame, we should not be 347 pounds.

The biggest reason why I want to tell you that I'm 347 pounds is because many of you are also extremely overweight. Obese. Morbidly obese. You're scared. You feel hopeless. You've tried all the stuff and nothing is working. In many cases, it's not working because you stopped trying. That's what my problem is. I tried and then I didn't and here I am. Not gonna beat myself up, not trying to beat you up. Just saying that it's really hard to find a girl out there who will tell you she's 347 pounds---so here you go. 

The second reason I want to tell you I'm 347 pounds is that someday I want to be able to tell you I'm 247 pounds. Then 200. Then 170. Then I think I'll stop. I liked being 170 pounds---back when I was seventeen. Ha! Someday I want all this rambling blah blah to be the prequel to some awesome and inspiring stories about how I got healthy and strengthened my body. Today at the doctor, I refused the pain medications and the injections and even the weekly physical therapy. I don't have time for the PT and I'm not ready to be medicated. Someday I want to say I've decreased the pain by getting my body in shape. 

Today I'd love to say that I have a great plan for eating and fitness and all that. I wanna say I'm focused and motivated and ready for change. The truth is, I left the doctor's office and went to the gas station and bought two slices of pepperoni pizza, a huge Diet Pepsi, and a King Size candy bar. Someday I want the thought of that to make me barf. I do have a bit of a plan...I'll tell you in a minute.

But first I want to acknowledge that this post may seem very much out of character for me. Many of you have been reading this blog for almost 10 years and many of you are close friends I see on a weekly basis. I often pride myself on "being transparent" (another super trendy bloggy women's ministery phrase). But the truth is, there's a lot hiding out inside and I'm getting sick of trying to keep it all together. I love myself. I think I'm beautiful, funny, intelligent, and God's got an awesome purpose for my life. He's done great things in me and will continue to. But, there's also some wrecked stuff in me and I have been stuffing that stuff for far too long. If you prefer the milder me who shows you pretty vintage things, encourages you in your homemaking and homeschooling and Biblical womanhooding, and gives you fattening but cheap recipe ideas, there's 10 years worth of that on this blog. Knock yourself out. Not saying I won't continue with all that. However, whenever you see the image of Fezzik force-feeding a passive Princess Buttercup, you can expect something raw and uncensored. (I'm SO stinkin' trendy! Oh, I forgot "real". It will all be "real" too.) You can expect to read about some struggles and some breakthroughs. If you're fat and lazy like me, you might even get a little motivated! Yay!

So far, my plan is threefold. First, I'm gonna pray for God to anoint me with the strength, wisdom,  and conviction to get my act together. Second, I'm gonna do my best to stick with the Trim Healthy Mama lifestyle that teaches me to separate my carbs and fats. Lots of people have had great weight loss and many other health successes on this plan. It's too much to eat these fuel sources together. Check out their book for more info. Thirdly, I'm gonna try to walk a little every day. This might not seem like some amazing, trendy, motivated journey to you...but for me, having ONE WHOLE DAY of doing those things without fail would be an amazing miracle.

{I would like to end this post with a public apology to my mother who prides herself on being poised and ladylike in public at all times. These stream of consciousness type of posts from me make her waffle between proud and panicked. Just watch---as soon as she reads this, she's gonna comment some sweet, motherly, encouraging thing down below. Inside she's gonna be praying, "Oh Lord! Why does she have to spill her business like this???!!!"}

8 comments:

  1. Sarah, I am and always have been so proud of you! You are over weight for your frame, but you are NOT lazy. You are always involved with good and productive things in your life. I know that you will finish this goal and I am excited to watch you on your "journey"! love from, your proud mother (not panicked)

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    1. See what I mean? Everyone needs a mom like this.

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  2. Sarah I know the struggle well. Praying for you! I recently decided to start counseling again after 17 years without it. It is with a Christian counselor and I am utilizing a health coach with our Christian health cost sharing company Medi-Share. The kids are growing up and I was feeling a lot of emotions about that (one of which was....I thought I would have more figured out about my health and life by now). Anyway, don't be afraid to be vulnerable and dig deep. I have had to do it too, while it is exhausting and at times painful it is so worth it because God is carrying me through and healing my heart and insecurities in ways only He can. Trim Healthy Mama is a great plan, I had good success on it. I have a whole new set of circumstances that has made me have to seek other options in addition to THM (autoimmune protocols etc). Hang in there, I applaud you for addressing this area in your life and being so raw and honest. Not easy to do!

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    1. Thank you! I'm so glad to hear you're being proactive, too. It's so important to be open and vulnerable. It's how we mentor and minister to one another!!

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  3. Love you so much and love your realness! We have to share the struggles along with the successes if others are going to see God's work in our lives. If they are going to find hope for their own crosses. I have so much going on here and I have to overcome my food issues and heal my body if I'm going to be effective at pretty much anything and everything. We can overcome and let God be glorified in this, too.

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    1. Absolutely! The evening after I wrote this, I attended a mentor training at my church. One of the first things she said was that we need to give people an open window into our lives so they can learn from us. I had no problem with that for the longest time, but somewhere in there shame came along and closed the window! Ha!

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  4. I am in the same boat as you, I also have some of the same physical health issues. So proud of you for standing up and being truthful to us and yourself. I find it hard to look at myself sometimes knowing that I'm the one who over ate. Would love to follow along with you.

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    1. I'm so glad you're here and following! We can be an encouragement to one another. One important thing to remember is that even though your body size/weight is the thing that seems so glaring and obvious right now, it's just a teeny tiny representation of who you really are. Yes, we overweight ladies are partly defined as gluttonous overeaters! BUT---we are so much more defined as loved, cherished, redeemed, free and chainless children of God! If He has broken every chain, why are we grabbing them back up and binding ourselves? When we look differently at who we are, it gives us strength and motivation to walk in that freedom Christ gives us.

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Mrs. Sarah Coller

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