Thursday, July 19, 2018

From Fezzik to Buttercup: Starting My Second Week

Finally had the energy to cut up these vegetables I bought last week! This is literally the first time I've done this in 7 years. I always had my kids do it because I was too tired.
 Today starts the first day of the second week of my quest for better health! Other than our anniversary dinner and dessert yesterday (which was a planned "cheat"---ended up throwing away more than I ate!) I've stayed totally on my plan for one week. That is a miracle of epic proportions! (Remember when I said I didn't know if I could do it for even one day?) God has been so faithful to allow me to experience so many changes this week and I'm so encouraged! I had some trepidation when I decided to "go public" with this weight struggle, but I truly believe it was God-lead. 

Here are just some of the things I'm experiencing after my first week on Trim Healthy Mama:

  • A LOT of energy. I am a napper...or WAS a napper. I've not been able to take a nap in a week. I've tried. I've begged and pleaded---nuthin'. Can't sleep. But I'm getting great sleep at night! Instead, I'm getting housework done that I usually put off on one of the kids. I'm also making everyone crazy by dancing around the house and singing silly made up songs all. day. long.
  • Regular sleep schedule. I'm going to sleep about 11:00 pm and waking about 6:00. Much better than the 2am-7:30am schedule that exhausted me in the mornings and caused me to sleep three hours in the afternoons.
  • Looser fitting clothing. A lot of this is due to a huge decrease in inflammation, but I'm probably going to be tossing some shirts by next weekend!
  • Far less pain. I'm able to sit down, stand up, Fight! Fight! Fight! much easier. 
  • I waddle a little less. That's always nice.
  • NO SUGAR CRAVINGS! I didn't really even have much of a crazy sugar detox episode. There was one night when I was unexplainably sad for the evening....but, other than that, I've been only happy and headache-free! I think I can attribute this to eating mainly "S" meals. I've heard that helps with the sugar cravings and it seems to be true in my case!
  • Hope. I feel hopeful that I can conquer this giant. I feel God working in my life, I know he's anointed me to do this good thing. I'm excited!
I'm feeling good and happy and motivated and all that great stuff! Hope this blesses you, as well!

Monday, July 16, 2018

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: Friendships, Mentors, and Cans of Worms

"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-2

My Bible titles this passage, "The Value of a Friend."

Recently, I attended a women's event where the theme was mentoring. It reawakened some things in me that had been dormant for too long. I made some commitments to God regarding using more of my time on other people and I came away feeling energized in my calling to women's ministry. 

Shortly after, God tested me in those commitments---as is often his way! I was in a room with many women chatting and laughing and getting to know one another. I had visited with a few friends and was wandering around looking at decorations. (These kinds of events always make me feel awkward. I struggle with small talk---always want to get to the nitty-gritty!) I was just hanging out when God told me to start looking at the people more closely. 

I noticed a woman standing off to the side a bit, not talking with anyone. I'd only chatted with her briefly in the past and didn't know her well, so I went up to say hello again and see if I could bumble my way awkwardly through my normal kind of 50/50 introvert/extrovert conversation. 

I took her hand and said, "Hey (Friend), how's it goin' tonight?" 

She smiled and said, "Oh fine!" 

I could have stopped right there. I mean, right? That's the ultimate Sunday morning Christianese phrase: "I'm fine!" 

Sometimes it means, "I've got a lot of stuff going on but don't have the time/desire/interest/strength to discuss it with you." 

More often it means, "I'm struggling and I really do actually want to tell you but you're just making small talk and I don't sense I can trust you with my heart."

For a split second I thought about giving her the pat Christian response, "Oh great! I'm glad. Well, have a good night!" But, thank God, he spoke stronger to me than he had in a long time. So, I pulled out my can opener, looked her straight in the eye, and opened up that can of worms. 

"No really, Friend, how are you?"


When I read Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 this morning, I thought about all the lonely people out there. There's a lot of them, you know. I read, "For if they fall, one will lift up his companion," and thought, "Who will lift up the one without a friend?"

I've had a saying for a long time that I once thought was clever---maybe it was, for its time. I used to say, "I've only got enough emotional energy to spend on a couple of friends."  Wifing/mothering/homeschooling 10 people is tough, y'all, and there was a brief time there when it was absolutely all I could handle. God allowed my outside-the-home ministry to go dormant for awhile so I could put my focus in the right place. I think I allowed it to go on a little longer than he would have liked, though. I got comfortable in my solitude. I also got selfish.

However, now I think of that phrase and know that time is over. I feel so driven to speak God's truth and encouragement to all those lonely women---cans of worms popping open all over the place! (Gummy worms, please. Preferably stevia-sweetened.)

I want to be that friend that sticks close enough to lift someone up when they fall and point them to help and healing in Christ. I'm praying God will help me become more and more usable in this way, and that he will bring just the right relationships along. Who has time for small talk? Not this girl. But I've got lots of time---all the time God's given me---for cans of worms. 

Saturday, July 14, 2018

From Fezzik to Buttercup: Making This Work with My Lifestyle

One difficulty I've encountered with dieting in the past is the time and money it takes to do something different than the rest of my family. We are a homeschooling family of 11---I don't really have the time to make a separate meal for myself that fits the stringent rules of many of the fad diets out there; and on one income, I can't really justify special ingredients or program fees. That's why I like doing Trim Healthy Mama. I can make many of the things I would normally make my family, with a little tweak for myself to make them "on plan". That's what I did with Thursday night's taco casserole and it allowed me to warm up leftovers for a frugal Friday lunch.

I'm also practicing anticipating pitfalls and finding ways to overcome them. For instance, Thursday night some friends invited me to a restaurant for dinner. Initially, I said no because we were already planning on a family night at home. However, once I thought about it awhile, I realized that I didn't feel ready to navigate a restaurant menu and find things that would fit with my plan. I mean, it's doable...I think it's more that I didn't trust myself not to give in to the "off plan" things. I ended up being proud of myself for waiting and staying within the safe boundaries I'd set for myself---having already planned on my taco casserole dinner. There will be more opportunities to go out with friends in the future and, hopefully, I'll be stronger and better able to stay on plan at that time. Tonight I wanted to make a treat to celebrate the girls coming home from summer camp so I made brownies. I served everyone but me and there were three left in the pan. I "assigned" them to the older guys and said, "these had better be gone in the next hour or so." Ha! I'll have my own on-plan chocolate treat later tonight.

One thing that's important on THM is to make sure you are happily satisfied after every meal. You need to wait 3-4 hours in between meals; so you'll want to get full each time so you don't find yourself snacking and messing up your weight loss. On the menu below, you'll see that my lunch was kind of weird. That's because there wasn't enough taco casserole left to fill me up so I warmed up some seasoned chicken and melted pepper jack cheese on top. It seems weird to have two "main dishes" at a meal, but you gotta do what you gotta do! Always shoot for high protein in every meal, but only what makes sense for your own eating style. I don't actually eat a whole lot of food in one sitting---but I try to eat something every 3-4 hours.

This was my meal plan for Friday:

Breakfast: Muffin in a Mug topped with 1/2 container Oikos Triple Zero yogurt, bacon, strawberries, blueberries

Lunch: small bit of taco casserole leftovers, seasoned chicken topped with melted pepper jack cheese

Dinner: shredded zucchini "noodles" with sauteed tomatoes, seasoned chicken, pesto, and Parmesan cheese

Today I had the same breakfast but lunch was my first big temptation. This morning something really really really really really REALLY stressed me out. The discussion went on for two hours and, in the back of my mind, I kept thinking how this stressful situation was the perfect excuse to go to Taco Bell and splurge on the stuff I love. I even started hinting to Jamie, hoping he'd suggest it and sort of give me his approval or enabling or whatever. He didn't. So I went to my room to sulk for a minute, then I went to the kitchen and made this nice plate of  THM "S" foods. Big victory today---I can't let my emotions control my health!

Friday, July 13, 2018

From Fezzik to Buttercup: First Day Success!

Good Morning! Just wanted to post a little note of appreciation to everyone who has commented and sent me private messages about Wednesday's post. I heard from many of you privately and, while I knew I wasn't alone in my fat girl frustrations, it was encouraging to hear your stories. It showed me that this openness about my struggles is needed, so I will continue to do my best to share with you all!

I'm feeling a lot better about it all this morning after a time of prayer and completing one whole day of the THM eating plan yesterday. I didn't go out for a walk yesterday but I was out doing errands from 7:00 am to 5:00 pm so I figured all that running around would count for my daily get-up-and-go!

Some of you are wondering about THM. It stands for Trim Healthy Mama and it's become more than another fad way of eating. The "program" (lack of a better word) was written by a team of Christian sisters, daughters of the founder of the Above Rubies ministry. Thousands of women (men and kids, too!) have been healed of weight problems, diabetes, fertility issues, inflammation issues, and more by following this plan. I encourage you to join their Facebook group and purchase their books (buy used ones on eBay or check your library. Bentonville has them, for you locals.) and get the scoop on this gentle way of healing your body. The basic gist, though, is to separate your fuel sources at every meal. We are fueled by carbs and fats but when we eat them together, that's just too much fuel (for most of us). Instead, we divide up our fuel sources to make one meal a fat/protein meal (THM "S" meal) and one meal a low carb/protein meal (THM "E" meal). A couple other "on plan" practices are to wait 3-4 hours in between meals and to stay away from white flour, sugar, and fake stuff. It's a very doable thing and isn't really any different, cost wise, if you know how to cook for yourself and don't get pulled in to buying fad stuff.

I'm often inspired by others' menus. Here's a look at what I did yesterday. My breakfast was a THM "S" meal. I found that the yogurt and bacon weren't enough to get me through the 3 hours. I could have added some eggs and/or sauteed vegetables---both cooked in butter. My lunch was a THM "E" meal, but the serving of rice was quite a lot for an appropriate E meal so I left about half of the rice and beans in the bowl. Next time I think I'll order a salad rather than a burrito bowl because I found that I wanted more lettuce and less of the rice and beans. Still, it was awesome! Dinner was an "S" meal and filled me up for almost the whole 3 hours. I made my family a regular taco casserole with tortilla chips included and just made my own little (Ok BIG) chipless one in a separate bowl. About two hours after dinner, I started to feel hungry again but waited the three hours and then made a chocolate mug cake. Every time I make these, they're so rich that I can only eat half. This time I ate it with some yogurt and berries and that was doable. I'll keep tweaking the recipe and post it here when I get it sweet enough.

Breakfast: Oikos Triple Zero strawberry yogurt with 1/2 c. blackberries mixed in, bacon, water

Lunch: Chipotle Grill burrito bowl with cilantro lime brown rice, black beans, pico de gallo, steak, sour cream, cheese, and lettuce. (I was out doing errands so I picked up Jamie from work and we had lunch together! Wednesday is our 20 year anniversary! Woo Hoo!)

Dinner: Taco Casserole without chips: seasoned ground beef, cheese, olives, sour cream, tomatoes, lettuce

Snack: 1/2 chocolate mug cake with 1/2 container Oikos Triple Zero Mixed Berry Yogurt and a handful of fresh blueberries

Today is another busy day but I'm gonna take a few minutes now and make my eating plan for the day. I plan and schedule out stuff for my family all the time---now I gotta get in the habit of doing it for myself, rather than saying "I'll just figure it out when it's time."

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

From Fezzik to Buttercup: Another Weight Loss "Journey"? Inconceivable!

I'm tired of feeling like Princess Buttercup trapped in the body of Fezzik the Giant.
Wanna know something that bugs the snot outta me? (I never realized how gross that saying was until I wrote it out there...sorry.) It makes me nuts when people use the term "journey" for something that's really not all that epic. (Actually, the term "epic" really burns me, too....) Frodo and Sam had a journey, Marco Polo---that was a journey. But when someone talks about their spiritual journey or their weight loss journey? I don't know. It just all seems so dramatic. Seemed. It seemed so dramatic. Until now.

I just got back from a doctor's visit in which I was made aware of the eleventybillion things wrong with my back. Degenerative disc disease, scoliosis, arthritis...I'm 38 years old. Much of this condition is hereditary, but it shouldn't be at nearly the level of degeneration that it is at only 38 years old. The problem is that I've carried 10 children and I am very heavy. Girls, I'm fat. 

One thing that "political correctness" has done to us is that it's niced everything over. We gotta put some sugar on top of that otherwise not-so-nice truth---otherwise we might offend someone. If you are reading this and you are also fat, I'm sorry if I've offended you. But here's my deal: I've been making excuses way too long and those excuses have kept me from doing hard stuff. They've kept me from THE JOURNEY. (Dun dun dunnnn!!)

Truth is, I'm not hiding this fatness from anyone. So, y'all might as well know: I'm 347 pounds. Last week I was 346. Dude, NO ONE---I don't care who you are---no one should be 347 pounds. (Ok, maybe Fezzik the Giant up there is 347 pounds. If you are as tall as Fezzik the Giant then I make an exception for you. You may be 347 pounds and quite healthy). But, as for me and my 5'6" frame, we should not be 347 pounds.

The biggest reason why I want to tell you that I'm 347 pounds is because many of you are also extremely overweight. Obese. Morbidly obese. You're scared. You feel hopeless. You've tried all the stuff and nothing is working. In many cases, it's not working because you stopped trying. That's what my problem is. I tried and then I didn't and here I am. Not gonna beat myself up, not trying to beat you up. Just saying that it's really hard to find a girl out there who will tell you she's 347 pounds---so here you go. 

The second reason I want to tell you I'm 347 pounds is that someday I want to be able to tell you I'm 247 pounds. Then 200. Then 170. Then I think I'll stop. I liked being 170 pounds---back when I was seventeen. Ha! Someday I want all this rambling blah blah to be the prequel to some awesome and inspiring stories about how I got healthy and strengthened my body. Today at the doctor, I refused the pain medications and the injections and even the weekly physical therapy. I don't have time for the PT and I'm not ready to be medicated. Someday I want to say I've decreased the pain by getting my body in shape. 

Today I'd love to say that I have a great plan for eating and fitness and all that. I wanna say I'm focused and motivated and ready for change. The truth is, I left the doctor's office and went to the gas station and bought two slices of pepperoni pizza, a huge Diet Pepsi, and a King Size candy bar. Someday I want the thought of that to make me barf. I do have a bit of a plan...I'll tell you in a minute.

But first I want to acknowledge that this post may seem very much out of character for me. Many of you have been reading this blog for almost 10 years and many of you are close friends I see on a weekly basis. I often pride myself on "being transparent" (another super trendy bloggy women's ministery phrase). But the truth is, there's a lot hiding out inside and I'm getting sick of trying to keep it all together. I love myself. I think I'm beautiful, funny, intelligent, and God's got an awesome purpose for my life. He's done great things in me and will continue to. But, there's also some wrecked stuff in me and I have been stuffing that stuff for far too long. If you prefer the milder me who shows you pretty vintage things, encourages you in your homemaking and homeschooling and Biblical womanhooding, and gives you fattening but cheap recipe ideas, there's 10 years worth of that on this blog. Knock yourself out. Not saying I won't continue with all that. However, whenever you see the image of Fezzik force-feeding a passive Princess Buttercup, you can expect something raw and uncensored. (I'm SO stinkin' trendy! Oh, I forgot "real". It will all be "real" too.) You can expect to read about some struggles and some breakthroughs. If you're fat and lazy like me, you might even get a little motivated! Yay!

So far, my plan is threefold. First, I'm gonna pray for God to anoint me with the strength, wisdom,  and conviction to get my act together. Second, I'm gonna do my best to stick with the Trim Healthy Mama lifestyle that teaches me to separate my carbs and fats. Lots of people have had great weight loss and many other health successes on this plan. It's too much to eat these fuel sources together. Check out their book for more info. Thirdly, I'm gonna try to walk a little every day. This might not seem like some amazing, trendy, motivated journey to you...but for me, having ONE WHOLE DAY of doing those things without fail would be an amazing miracle.

{I would like to end this post with a public apology to my mother who prides herself on being poised and ladylike in public at all times. These stream of consciousness type of posts from me make her waffle between proud and panicked. Just watch---as soon as she reads this, she's gonna comment some sweet, motherly, encouraging thing down below. Inside she's gonna be praying, "Oh Lord! Why does she have to spill her business like this???!!!"}

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