The Invitation

This morning, I was looking up some past posts to help a new friend and found this one that I wrote in 2008. This was written about nine months after we lost our sixth baby in November 2007. It blessed me so much to read this and know that I have been healed of the heartache and anger that came after that horrible experience---the very worst day of my life. I thought I'd make a couple of tweaks and republish it. I know it will be a blessing to many. If you'd like, you can also read Hope, a beautiful picture that God gave me to give me peace about the life our baby is now living. Even though you may not have gone through the exact same situation as me, I know that God can use the words I wrote below to heal the hurts from any type of loss. Be blessed today!

Today I received an invitation from the Lord.

Lately, I've really been struggling with the loss of our baby 7 months ago. I've been desperately running after many different distractions as I've been trying to find a way to bury this pain and disappointment. Today, as I visited with God's angel in the form of a special friend, I came to realize that I've been running from the very thing that would heal me. The grace of Jesus.

I have so many questions for God. I want him to explain this to me. I want to know why he would give us a baby if he knew he was going to take it away. For years I've believed that he was the giver of good things. So, if he is the author of life, it would seem that this miscarriage was completely under God's control. It would seem that he knew about it before it ever happened. You'd think maybe he'd know how much it would hurt me and how much I'd grieve and how it would turn my entire world upside down.

For years I've believed that God loved me. That he wanted the very best for me. That he only wanted good for me. And now this...

But, the truth I've realized tonight is that losing that baby was not the defining moment in my relationship with God. It was not a punishment from him...he did not intentionally allow my baby to die so he could speak something to me. However, he is intentionally using this heartbreaking situation to speak to me.

There's a song that goes, "sometimes he calms the storm and other times he calms his child". Just because God allowed my baby to die doesn't mean he willed it to die. He is taking a devastating circumstance and using it for the good in my life. Or, at least, he's trying to.

So, here comes my choice. I have the opportunity here to be vulnerable, to give myself wholy to the Holy One. I can surrender this hurt and confusion and disappointment and desperateness and allow God to make something strong and beautiful and workable with it. Is it worth the risk?

What would happen if I said no? What if I decided it wasn't worth the risk...that I wanted to make sure I was never hurt again? I could take control over this situation, couldn't I? If I just harden my heart and stuff the pain back down, won't it eventually go away? That's what I've been thinking for 7 months now...it's still not working.

After I got off the phone with my sweet sister today, I drove in to town to pick up my husband. On the way I turned on the CD he already had out. It was Steven Curtis Chapman's Speechless. How ironic, I thought. Chapman's family recently lost their young child in a horrible accident. I began to wonder how his faith had been shaken over this terrible death. I thought that surely he must have all kinds of questions for the God that he'd devoted his life, family and career to. Then, his song, Great Expectations came on and I knew the answer.

He's grieving, just like me. He's broken and confused and disappointed and feeling like his entire world has been turned upside down. Just like me. He has all kinds of questions for this holy God who holds us in his hands. I bet he wonders now and then if God might be punishing him for something...

But he and I have something else in common. We both serve and love and are devoted to a God who turns ashes into beauty. A God who gives strength to the weary and grace to the humble (read: vulnerable). And deep down, we both know that God allowed this but he did not will it.

Me and Chapman, we've received an invitation. We've been invited to believe the unbelievable...to receive the inconceivable...to see beyond our wildest imaginations.

So, to Chapman, and all the rest of you out there who are grieving and confused and heartbroken: let's lift our eyes up...let's turn our faces to the Lord. Let's allow his grace and love and mercy and peace to wash over us. He will restore our soul and heal our brokeness.

Come Lord Jesus, we invite you....I invite you, once again, to be the lover of my soul.



Great Expectations by Steven Curtis Chapman

The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...
Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations
So wake the hope that slumbers in my soul
Stir the fire inside and make it glow
I'm trusting in a love that has no end
The Savior of this world has called me friend
And I, I've been invited with the Son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ...
We've been invited with the Son
And we've been invited to come and ...
Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond our wildest imagination
Lord, we come with great expectations


This post was featured in The Christian Home magazine, Issue #57.

Chicken Alfredo Lasagna

I came up with this awesomely flavorful Chicken Alfredo Lasagna tonight and thought I'd be sweet and share!  The best part about preparing it is that you don't have to cook the noodles first. The best part about eating it is...everything!

Chicken Alfredo Lasagna
10-15 uncooked lasagna noodles
16 oz. white Alfredo pasta sauce
1/4 c. milk
1 tsp. dried oregano leaves
1 tsp. dried basil leaves (or fresh is good too)
3 c. cooked, cubed chicken
14 oz. canned artichoke hearts
1/2 red bell pepper, diced
1/2 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
12 oz. mozzarella cheese
8 oz. crumbled feta cheese
2 c. spinach leaves

Preheat oven to 375º.  In one bowl, combine Alfredo sauce and herbs.  Pour milk into empty sauce jar and fill the rest of the way with water.  Put the lid on tight and shake well; add to mixture and set aside.  Chop chicken and vegetables (except spinach) and put in a separate bowl.  Add garlic and cheeses; mix well.  Spread 1/3 of sauce on the bottom of a 13x9 pan.  

Layer noodles across bottom and push into sauce.  Top lightly with 1/2 of spinach. Top with 1/2 of chicken mixture.  Repeat layers, starting with 1/2 of the remaining sauce and ending with sauce.  Cover with aluminum foil and bake about 1 hour or until noodles are soft.  

When you remove it from the oven, it will look like a casserole:Let it sit for about 15 minutes while it thickens and becomes easier to serve.  This is great with Ciabatta bread and salad.  Yum!

Awake O Sleeper

Proverbs 19:15:  "Laziness casts one into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger."

I've been slowly reading through the Proverbs since August (yep, THAT slow!).  I want to really take in and process what each one is saying.  I want to get these truths into my heart, so I've been reading and journaling about almost every one of them.

Sometimes I really have to think on one of them to get the full effect.  This was one of those that caused me to stop and ponder the depths of the message.

How has laziness cast me into a deep sleep?  I know this doesn't happen in the literal sense, not for me anyway.  With 8 children aged 12 to infant, I don't get much sleep at all---and I don't think I've slept deeply since I was about 19 years old!

However, laziness has caused me to be "asleep" to some things that are going on around me.  It has caused me to be in denial about certain parts of my life that need attention.  Laziness keeps me from seeing things that need to be done and changes that need to be made.  These can be things as simple as household chores, or as important as correcting my children's behavior.  It is sometimes so much easier to just let the laundry pile up (either dirty in the basket or clean on the dresser) or let the kid's bad attitude go unchecked than it is to put the effort into fixing the problem.  I am ignoring the problem and I'm ignoring the future consequences that I know this laziness will bring.  What kind of example is this to my children and other people in my life over whom I have influence?  What kind of legacy am I leaving?

Pretty soon, my laziness turns into apathy.  I just don't care anymore.  I settle in my ways and am asleep to, and ignorant of, how much better life would be if I'd be proactive.

How will I suffer hunger from being idle?  To figure this one out, I need to think about what sorts of things I'm hungry for.  Here are a few big ones on my list:

*A more regular Bible study time

*A happy and peaceful attitude

*A healthy and fit body

*An organized home

*A more consistent homeschooling schedule

Every one of these things is not being accomplished in my life the way it could be because of idleness.  I become slothful and the apathy creeps in.  Often times, it's easier to stay in the place that I am than it is to step out and change.

However, God doesn’t want me in this place of idleness and apathy!   Instinctively, I know this---but this can be such a hard habit to break free from.   When I imagine what God says to me in this place, I remember Ephesians 5:14: “Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” 

Just a few verses before that, I’m encouraged to walk as a child of the light and to find out what is acceptable to the Lord (v. 8-10).  How else can I do this but to dig deep into His word and to spend time in prayer, calling on Him for help?

Looking back to my list of things I’m hungry for:  we’ve all been taught that God wants us to spend time in His word.  We know that he desires for us to have joy and peace in our life.  But, did you know that it matters to God whether or not my home is organized and my homeschool runs smoothly and my body is healthy and fit?  He knows the calm and contentedness that these things will bring to my life.  God really does care about these things that we often think he’s too busy to deal with!

Ephesians gives us some practical steps to start and continue walking as children of the light.  Verse 16 encourages us to “be wise and redeem the time.”  I love what Matthew Henry says in his Commentary about this phrase.  I know this is a little long but stick with me---it’s good stuff:

“redeeming the time (v. 16), literally, buying the opportunity. It is a metaphor taken from merchants and traders who diligently observe and improve the seasons for merchandise and trade. It is a great part of Christian wisdom to redeem the time. Good Christians must be good husbands of their time, and take care to improve it to the best of purposes, by watching against temptations, by doing good while it is in the power of their hands, and by filling it up with proper employment—one special preservative from sin. They should make the best use they can of the present seasons of grace. Our time is a talent given us by God for some good end, and it is misspent and lost when it is not employed according to his design. If we have lost our time heretofore, we must endeavour to redeem it by doubling our diligence in doing our duty for the future.”

How encouraging is that!  Our time is a talent given us by God.  What a great measuring stick by which to check ourselves and evaluate our days.  In another part of this section of commentary, Henry talks about the Christians who would “stir up themselves to their duty.”  I don’t know about you, but this encouragement makes me want to get up and buzz around this house, cleaning and singing and hugging my children! It motivates me and makes me want to kick laziness and apathy out the door!

It’s true that “the days are evil” as verse 5:16 goes on to say---they’re also short and time gets away from us faster than we’d like.  As Henry encourages, let’s all “endeavour to redeem it by doubling our diligence in doing our duty for the future.”  Think of the amazing legacies we could leave!

This post was featured in Issue #55 of The Christian Home magazine.

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