Tuesday, March 15, 2011

"Mom, When Can I Get Married?" Part One

Lynzie has just turned 11 and has begun asking questions about marriage.  She wants to know how old she has to be before she can get married.  I keep answering, "It's not an age, it's a level of readiness."  I've told her she must be done with her basic schooling (through high school level), she must be prepared to manage a home and a budget, she must have basic knowledge of childcare.  I've also talked to her about the readiness of her husband-to-be:  he needs to have a job that will support their basic needs, must be able to provide a reliable means of getting them where they need to go, etc.  

Today I became aware that she's already got a man in mind!  From what I've seen, this young man shows promise---he reminds me of my husband, for starters!  It occurred to me today that I've not really talked to her about spiritual readiness---the most important part of being married!  So, we went on to discuss how important it is that she pray for her future husband---in a general sense.  I encouraged her not to pray for this specific boy in a way that indicated she was set on him, but instead to pray for "whomever God has planned" for her.   I encouraged her to focus on having a good friendship with the boy but not to think of him as her future spouse---at least not yet!  Wow, I totally can't believe I'm having this conversation with her already!

So, with all that in mind, I realized I really need to get into the Word and see what all God has to say about a wife.   I've only been one for 13 years so I've got a lot to learn myself---and here I am already needing to train my daughter.  Whew!

Genesis 2:24:  "Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

A wife needs to be prepared to become one with her husband.  This requires coming out from under the protection and discipline of her parents and coming under the protection of her husband, standing beside him as his helper, comforter, lover and support, and taking the lead role in homemaking and mothering responsibilities.  A wife should be prepared to make decisions alongside her husband and to consider his desires, preferences and feelings when making choices regarding areas in which he has given her responsibility.  

Part of being one with one's husband is working as a team and making compromises and concessions where needed.  One thing I always try to practice in my marriage is the truth that if my priority is always my husband and his priority is always me, then both of us are taken care of and neither finds themselves being selfish.

While it's always ideal that the new couple's parents agree and support this "leaving and cleaving", that is, unfortunately, not always the case.  The new wife, as well as her husband, should be prepared and mature enough to respectfully remind the offending parents of this verse and be in agreement that their parents won't be allowed to become stumbling blocks in the early days of marriage.

While a loving parent is almost always full of valuable wisdom that a newlywed can surely learn from, it's important that the new husband and wife make final decisions on their own, based on what they have heard from God and what they believe is right for their own situation.

Someone remind my controlling self of this in another 7 or 8 years, please?  Ha!


  1. No matter what your faith or beliefs, stand tall--you are you
    Have a happy day.

  2. I would hate to be in your shoes. For an 11 year old, she is thinking big for her age. You are giving her great advice if she will only listen and apply it. Good luck.

  3. As my mom would say, there’s no minimum age to start praying for your future husband!  Although I wasn’t quite so young when I seriously started thinking of marriage and actively started praying for my future husband, I know for a fact that my mom’s been praying specifically for me to find a good, godly husband, almost since the time I was born! So Sarah, I think you’re doing a great job with your daughter! Really, it’s hard to find a godly man, one that follows in Christ’s footsteps. In today’s world, marriages are breaking everywhere you look. It’s important to pray for our daughters that they find a “man after God’s own heart”. God bless you Sarah as you teach your daughter the importancr of being spiritual preparedness.
    Save My Marriage


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Mrs. Sarah Coller

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